Wednesday, April 04, 2007

The downside of winning

Florida President unsure of what to do with Ohio State

Gainesville Sun Staff Writer

April 4, 2007

GAINESVILLE – In the wake of Florida’s unprecedented dual championship victories over Ohio State, the University finds itself with a unique and somewhat perplexing problem.

What to do with Ohio State now that Florida owns it.

According to little known and never before used “Clause 121” of the NCAA charter, when a University defeats another member University for two consecutive national championship games by “convincing margins”, the defeated University becomes the sole property of the victor.

University of Florida President J. Bernard “Bernie” Machen readily admits that he was unaware of “Clause 121”, and is unsure of what to do with Ohio State. “They have, what is it, over 54,000 students? Plus, it’s in Columbus, Ohio. It is very inconvenient.”

The University of Florida Board of Trustees is holding an emergency meeting this Friday to deal with the unprecedented situation. According to sources on the Board, initial ideas include –

Sell It – The easiest move the Board might make is simply to sell Ohio State. However, due to the University’s size, and its location in the relatively depressed real estate market of central Ohio, it may be difficult to find a willing buyer. “We are looking into this option,” Machen says. “We have contacted the Solid Waste Authority of Central Ohio to see if they need more land.”

Keep It – This option has several difficulties, but may be the only one if Florida is unable to get a buyer for fair market value. Primary among the difficulties is the large student body population of Ohio State. However, sources on the Board did say since OSU’s student population is near Florida’s 50,000, there may be a situation where Ohio State students could be lent to Florida students on a semester by semester basis as personal valets.

Florida junior Kevin Young thinks the valet idea is just swell. “Everyone should have their own pet Buckeye,” said Young. “It would be like having your own personal fraternity pledge. I think the idea rocks!”

Were Florida to keep Ohio State, issues of whether to allow OSU to keep their current team name and mascot, as well as whether to allow them to continue to play in the Big Ten, would have to be resolved. Says Machen, “I think we could reach some sort agreement that would allow them to keep Brutus Buckeye and play in the Big 10. After all, what would we do – move them to the SEC? They would only get hurt. Since they are our wards now, we could never allow that.”

The prospect also exists that Florida would have dissolve Ohio State athletics. In that case, the issue of what to do with the student athletes is uncertain. Florida football coach Urban Meyer, when approached with the prospect of having to absorb Ohio State’s football team, paused for a moment and said, “I suppose they could be a scout team for our scout team. They really aren’t fast enough for anything else.”

Finally, there is one other idea University officials have floated, and that is simply to donate Ohio State to charity. “As I understand it, thousands of Hurricane Katrina refuges are still displaced. We could give OSU to the Katrina Relief Fund, and allow people to relocate there,” Machen said. “That could be the win-win situation everyone is looking for.”


Rob said...

They should sell them to Michigan! Frankly, I think it's the only way the Wolverines are going to own the Buckeyes again!

Mike said...

Well, I can't say we don't deserve the abuse. Enjoy it, because we know how you feel. We have owned Michigan for quite some time now... :)

Eleni said...

Do you have the link to this article? I tried searching for it on and couldn't find it...which made me suspicious about it's true origin. Thanks!

WWSGolf said...

Was it just some years ago when the UF football team (defense) was made to lay down against the other team in order for there to be a touchdown scored? FSU, I recall.

And why? So that the offense could get the ball back one last time for their QB, Steve Spurrier, to throw balls down the field in hopes of padding his stats before the Heisman vote. Oh, that's class. And now this.

As a Buckeye, it's always about being a class-act. Bloggings such as this only solidify my understanding of the Gator Nation. Braggadocious when on top, whining when losing (can you say Spurrier again?). Is that the sound of another pop-top can opening in the back of that pick-up truck?

By the way. OSU President Karen Holbrook is interviewing for the UF President's position. She has driven Ohio State scholastics to an all-time high in rankings among national universities, including those of IVEY League status. She loves a challenge and she'll have one with UF should she accept the position. Get out the check book, UF. If you'll pay it she will come... and you'll be better for it.

Note: UF football players (2) have now been arrested on assault charges - stay tuned.

Final note: OSU continues a tradition of playing in national championships. It's good to see the red-headed stepchild, UF, finally get its legs beneath itself. Ask Dan Marino how many times after his rookie season he got to play in a Super Bowl - Zippo. Watch what you say (or blog) - it may be your last......

Henry Gomez said...

wwsgolf perhaps you should follow Mark Twain's advice and keep your moth shut and let everyone think you are an idiot rather than open it and confirm it.

First of all, the "Gator Flop" was against Miami not FSU. And Steve Spurrier was already long gone. The QB in question was John Reaves who was about to pass Jim Plunkett as the all time passing leader. You can read more about that episode here.

If there's a bigger bunch of braggarts than OSU fans I'd like someone to show me who they are, perhaps only the aforementioned Miami and its 10,000 fans.

As for the OSU president interviewing for UF's presidency, that's a new one on me. Care to supply a source for that gossip. I wasn't aware that Bernie Machen was going anywhere so why would there be a vacancy. Probably just more Buckeye Bullshit.

And what does Dan Marino have to do with any of this? Besides Marino got to the Super Bowl in his second season not his rookie season, but it's obvious that you aren't really concerned with little things such as facts.

And as for your advice, shove it. As if anything I or my co-blogger could write would have an effect on on-field outcome. If you believe that I have some swamplanf to sell you in the everglades.

Enjoy being Florida's bitch.

WWSGolf said...

SOURCE/OSU Lantern campus rag: First the University of Florida took Ohio State's national championship; now, they might be taking our president.

OSU President Karen Holbrook has met with officials at University of Florida about taking a job there, UF spokesman Steve Orlando said Monday.

Holbrook began her presidency in 2002 and announced her retirement in June. She will leave the university when her contract expires at the end of the academic year.

Orlando said although Holbrook spoke with UF President Bernie Machen, no public commitments have been made and no contracts have been signed.

"What I can tell you is President Machen has been in discussions with President Holbrook about the possibility of coming to UF," he said.

Holbrook spent five years at UF as the school's vice president for research and dean of the graduate school from 1993 to 1998, according to the OSU Office of the President Web site. Before going to UF, Holbrook was associate dean of scientific affairs and professor of biological structure at the University of Washington.

Before coming to OSU in 2002, she was at the University of Georgia as senior vice president for academic affairs, provost and professor of cell biology.

"There's been no decision as to what kind of position Dr. Holbrook might take," Orlando said.

Attempts to reach Holbrook for comment were unsuccessful, but OSU spokesman Jim Lynch said she is concentrating on her current responsibilities at OSU.

"Her priority lies in finishing the administration she has until June," Lynch said.

The search for a replacement is ongoing and university officials said they hope to have a new president by the time Holbrook retires, or no later than the start of autumn quarter 2007, said Joe Alutto, a member of the presidential search committee.

Executive vice president and Provost Barbara Snyder was named the first female president of Case Western University in July and the new president will have to choose who fills that position.

Lynch said he believes the presidential search committee is still in the process of identifying candidates and it might be a few weeks before any new information is available.

"Nothing is imminent, nothing is close," Lynch said.

* * * * *

Bitch? Hardly. We'll leave those roles to Michigan and Georgia.

Thanks for the research. I was happy to read your correction AND validation - that UF does coach to pad stats.... my facts were wrong regarding the QB/team... but not the style points. Nice to have that one in the UF history archives.

Whining still rampant. UF is currently running with the baton it stole from University of Miami after it had 4-downs to score against OSU in that 2002 season. (Yeah - listen to 'em moan about the ghost pass interference play). I'll hold off until UF bounces the ball in 2007 - 08. Oden gone (OSU). Starting 7 gone for UF. Kudos - great run ::stop::

Marino - rookie season. F(*#&$, I had it wrong again... but not with my advice you so blatantly asked to "shove". Who was talking outcomes? Not me.

No complaints about the finish - I love the fact OSU adds that final championship to its seasons each year as FU,... oops, UF now does. It's great to be on top of the heap, whether it's SEC or BIG TEN.

What we ought to do next is compare hockey stats and baseball stats. Damn,.... where will it end?

I'm glad I got the response. Blogs are just too fiery for most.

So I'm an OSU idiot that wins just like Gator idiots. This is good for the soul.

Henry Gomez said...

You said that Holbrook was interviewing for the UF President's job which the report you referenced contradicts. She is interviewing with the UF President for some other job. In case you don't know it, the President doesn't hire his replacement. That falls to the board of regents.

Nice try champ.

I'm glad that you are such a good sport about 2nd place. Enjoy it.

And if you don't think Miami (as much as I hate them) got robbed on that phantom call then you are just delusional.

Anonymous said...

Do you have a paypal account so I can donate some money for you to buy a box or Kleenex (or Diapers)?
Obviously you didn't attend the BCS Championship game and see thousands of arrogant and rude OSU fans. It's all in good fun. Cry somewhere else.

Gator Duck said...

Let's see... The Gators have beaten Ohio State 4 times in the last 4 months, yet they still will not show us any respect. Basketball in December, football, the Nike running challenge, and basketball. Two of those wins netted National Championship trophies and bragging rights.

It is just like with financial wealth. There is "old money" and "new money." "Old money" gets all the props in the society pages and from the media. "New money" has to keep proving itself and despite proving it still gets no respect. Just like "old money" schools like Notre Dame, USC, and Ohio State feel entitled to top rankings just for showing up and will never even admit it when they are beaten by a better team. They are just antiquated, arrogant, washed up has beens. If they show any class at all, it is only the fascade of class, not the real thing. Frankly, I haven't even seen that from them.

Zook 'em.

Anonymous said...

Hey did you guys see that final. Michican State Spartans defense was just amazing in those final games and came through for the win over Boston College. Abdelkerader snapped the tie with only 18 seconds left slapping a shot that gave the Spartans the National Championship. and they were just a 3rd seed unbelievable, can't wait for Florida to get better so we can play up north too. Were packing in the fans so it's just a matter of time the sport is just growing so fast we'll be playing the BIG Ten before long.

Anonymous said...

As an OSU graduate I have to admit, you guys "own us". The personal valet is a great idea. What better way to show Florida students the respect they deserve then to be at their beckon call night and day. I would be proud to be a footrest for one of them.