Friday, October 26, 2007

Week 8 Praemium Terribilis

The "Better late than never" edition of the Suckies with a substitute host since Mergz is more than likely already at the Jax landing.

Cumberland Awardnamed in honor of the Cumberland team that took a 220-0 thrashing at the hands of Georgia Tech in 1916, this award honors the team that took the soundest beating of national significance in the past week.

Week 8 Winner – Tennessee

After starting out abysmally, the Vols had clawed their way back to respectability, a top 25 ranking and actually controlled their own destiny in the SEC east. That was before they ran into an unranked buzz saw led by Osaban bin Lyin. 41-17.

Ron Zook AwardFor the coach who is “always getting better," even if that betterment is not discernable to the rest of us.

Week 8 Winner – Bobby Bowden

It was supposed to be addition by subtraction. The departure of Jeffy was supposed to relieve the offensive anemia that has plagued the 'Noles. But in losing to an equally inept Miami team, Bowden showed that any improvements are indeed of the Zookian variety. Between these two teams there are four quarterbacks and not a decent player among them.

Ron Powlus AwardGoes to the nationally anointed one and presumptive Heisman candidate that didn’t quite live up to his hype during the past week.

Week 8 Winner – Andre Woodson

Woodson did everything he could to beat the Gators except go out and play defense for the Cats. Unfortunately for him his spotlight was stolen by Tim Tebow who is now a serious contender for the statue thanks to his flawless and gutsy performance in the same game.

Prairie View Awardgiven each week to the specific squad (offense, defense, special teams or otherwise) that distinguishes itself for pure, unadulterated suckiness. The award is named in honor of the Prairie View Panther team that lost a college football record 80 consecutive games during the 1990’s.

Week 8 Winner – Illinois Special teams.

Kick catch interference, Roughing the punter, a muffed punt all contributed to the loss in a game that team Illinois could have, and perhaps should have, won. Ron Zook, special teams genius.

The Blue AwardNamed after September 1, 2007, the date “everything changed”, this award commemorates the team that overcame enormous odds to their undying detriment, thus losing to a team that they ought to have easily handled.

Week 8 Winner – South Carolina

A Steve Spurrier coached team loses to Vandy for the first time ever. It pains me to give this award to a team led by the Old Ball Coach.

The Roy Riegels AwardNamed in memory of Cal Bear Roy “Wrong Way” Riegels who while playing in the 1929 Rose Bowl picked up a Georgia Tech fumble and ran for 65 yards – the wrong direction, costing his team the game. This award honors the college football player who committed a blunder of such enormity that it perhaps single-handedly cost his team the game.

Week 8 Winner – Maryland QB, Chris Turner

Turner was sacked for a safety late in the 3rd quarter. At the time Maryland led Virginia 17-10. In the end, the score was 18-17, Virginia in a Grohtastic victory for the Cavaliers.

So there you have it. Congrats to last weekend's purveyors of suckiness and good look to all this weekend.

Cue exit music.


Mergz said...

Henry my man, you are right on.

I am in Jax already. Got here Thursday night.

Go Gators!

JJ Gator said...

Great job, Henry.

How ironic Booby Bowden gets the Zook Award on this the third anniversary of the firing of moRon Zook. He deserved it, though. With the exception of the Duke game he has a chance to win it more than once this year, especially going up against BC, Maryland and our Gators.

Don't feel bad about giving a Suckie to Spurrier; even the Ol Ball Coach screws up from time to time.

Anyway, I drank a celebratory cocktail yesterday (10/25/07) to commemorate the 3rd anniversary of the Zook firing. I still have room for a cocktail or two this Saturday for the game against Georgia - here's hoping Coach Meyer and our guys can make it three in a row against those flea-bitten mutts!

Wishin' I was in Jax this weekend -

GO GATORS!!!!!!!