Monday, September 10, 2007

Week 2 Praemium Terribilis

Oh shame! Where is thy blush?

Hamlet. Act iii. Sc. 4.

With that nod to the Bard, we start this week’s version of the Praemium Terribilis, or the Suckies, with a new award, the Roy Reigels Award!

The Roy Riegels Award – Named in memory of Cal Bear Roy “Wrong Way” Riegels who while playing in the 1929 Rose Bowl picked up a Georgia Tech fumble and ran for 65 yards – the wrong direction, costing his team the game. This award honors the college football player who committed a blunder of such enormity that it perhaps single-handedly cost his team the game.

Week Two Winner – Tony Wilson of Georgia.

Yes Tony, that perfect pass that Stafford placed right in your hands on the goal line was the 4 point difference between a possible overtime and losing 16-12. Losing, in fact, to the coach rated “most hated” by Dawg fans. Also, losing at home, between the Hedges, to the coach who once put a record 50 on your scoreboard.

Sure, two Gamecock defenders were bearing down on you as if you were the only heifer in the bull pasture, but the game was on the line, baby!

I would have laid on the ground for awhile too after dropping that ball.

Honorable Mention – Marlon Moore of Fresno State, who while trying to extend his arms for an extra yard or two, fumbled the ball out of bounds, perhaps costing his team the game.

For the rest of the awards, please see this post for award descriptions.

Cumberland Award

Week Two Winner – Miami

Get tattooed by the boys from the 7th floor crew”

- Miami’s “7th floor crew”

Well, the tattooing here was by the boys from Norman, Oklahoma, as the Canes get their Ibis punched 51-13 at Oklahoma. Miami managed only 139 yards offensively in the debacle.

The return to gold plated grill glory will have to await at least another week (season?)

Honorable Mentions – The Michigan “Crying like little girls” Wolverines, and Virginia Tech (“No Hokie for you – One Year!”)

Ron Zook Award

Week Two Winner – Lloyd Carr (Repeat Winner)

Carr admitted in is post game press conference that “Perhaps the game is getting by him.” Well, I’m sorry to tell you coach that, with 624 yards surrendered on defense in the Big House, the game has gone by you like a Duck’s running back hitting daylight (only 331 yards on the ground).

At this point, Ron Zook might collect a Wolverine pelt later this season.

Honorable Mention – Tommy Tuberville. Tommy’s boys managed to lose to a team from Florida. No, not that one.

Not that one either.

Not that one.

No, not even that one.

Yes, that one!

Ron Powlus Award

Week Two Winner – Jimmy Clausen.

Sure, he is just a true frosh in his first start. At Happy Valley, no less.

But when you announce your college choice at the College Football Hall of Fame, after arriving in a white limo, a little humility is in order.

For Jimmy, the latest installment of the ill-begotten Clausen spawn, it wasn’t the 144 yards that hurt the most. Or the interception.

No, it had to be 4 sacks.

And with that O-Line, get used to the turf, Jimbo.

Honorable Mention – None

Prairie View Award

Week Two Winner – Virginia Tech’s Offense


The passing yardage for the Hokie offense.

What could be worse?

Oh yeah, 71 yards rushing.

That’s worse.

Honorable Mentions – Michigan’s defensive line (If it runs like a Duck, its good for 331 yards)

The Blue Award

Week Two Winner – Auburn.

Was it an upset in the truest notion of the word?

Perhaps not. I even saw some calls pregame for South Florida to win.

But at Jordan-Hare?

The Tigers vomited hairballs up all night, turning the ball over 5 times. Yet the Bulls tried to keep Auburn in the game by going 2 for 6 in field goals.

In the end however, South Florida had the overtime win.

It is one thing for SEC teams to lose to other SEC teams. Or even nationally noted teams.

But losing to the Big East?

Can we trade Auburn to the ACC?

In congratulating this week’s “Suckies” winners, let us again end with Shakespeare –

"Out, damned spot! out, I say!"

Macbeth. Act v. Sc. 1.

For the stain of a Suckie is dark indeed.

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