Thursday, October 04, 2007

Blog Swap, LSU

This season we're swapping blog posts with blogs that represent our rivals. This week it's "And the Valley Shook!". And so the thoughts below are 100% those of GeauxTigers. Our post can be read at their blog by clicking here.


Man, this sucks. This was supposed to be the Game of the Century of the Week (trademark SMQ). Now it’s merely the game of the week, because of those pesky Auburn Tigers. And we won’t even get the chance to knock the defending national champs off their throne (Auburn did it to us as well back in 2004, by the way).

Then on the heels of that, we get bumped up to a #1 ranking in the AP poll for the first time in a half century, and Vegas has slapped a 9-point spread in our favor despite A) our sieve-like offensive line performance last week, B) our Danny-Wuerffel-in-the-NFL-like performance at QB last week, C) our butterfingers wide receivers’ performance last week, D) our best and only experienced WR’s being out for the game (Doucet), and E) the simple fact that Urban’s never lost two in a row at Florida. Oh, and rain. It’s gonna pour. Though your speedy Gators are probably only marginally faster than the Tigers, overall the rain probably confers little advantage in that department to either team (though it sure makes it tougher to build up a 9-point lead). All in all, I’m a bit unnerved, to say the least. Grrrr.

I will say this much: I used to despise the Gators. But with the departure of Spurrier and the arrival of the Zooker – during whose realm we won twice at the Swamp and won the national championship the year he beat us in Death Valley anyway – it’d become that much more a waste of emotion to really hate you guys. But with the Urban era, that’s beginning to change.

So suck my balls, Gator fans. May you get the holy hell Tigerbaited out of you when you descend upon South Louisiana this weekend. May you return to your home state with visions of a one-loss national title dashed, grasping to the faint hope of avenging the weekend’s 30-point defeat in two months if you accomplish the suddenly mammoth task of squeezing your way into Atlanta for the SEC Championship Game.

I hate you.

Tim Tebow? Here’s 106 pages on what we think of the douchebag. Run here, pass there, perfect Christian boy, whatever. He sits down to pee. BURNED!

Brandon Spikes? Shyeah. More like SHENEHNEH.

Eat me.

Back to football. Back to the rain thing. I suppose the one equalizer of the rain that actually benefits us is that you can pass, and we evidently can’t. So that brings things into a little bit more equilibrium on offense. Now, I have no idea why we didn’t see Ryan Perrilloux (aka Hercules! Hercules!) till pretty late last week, but I’m going to take the escape route we commentating-types have been handed all year: uhh, we were just being vanilla. So prepare for him early and often. The magic and mystery will amaze you! You have nothing to stop the unstoppable machine that is werewolf with chainsaw dick.

You go ahead and take solace from the fact that our defense gave up 227 yards to Tulane and trailed at the half. The flip side for us is that there isn’t a single LSU Tiger who feels happy about our performance last week, and they’re looking to take it out on your Gators.

You go ahead and take solace in the fact that Urban Meyer’s proven himself a better overall coach than Les Miles, and that Les probably still has some boobishness in him. Everyone outside Vegas is waiting for the inevitable inexplicably-called Miles loss (akin to @ Auburn and @ Florida last year), and this is clearly our first huge SEC contest. The flip side for us is that all your offense are belong to Bo Pelini, and all your defense are belong to Gary Crowton. Supporting staff, bitches, who ya got??

While I don’t in the slightest believe this, there’s no way in hell I’m going on a Florida site and conceding victory to you choads. Be prepared for armageddon, Gators. You’ve looked soft two weeks in a row. Bring your A game, and it still won’t help. 31-10 LSU. (You might get seven on a special teams touchdown.)


PS – Go to Hell.


4EverLSU said...

Where's your "Contact Us" link...? I'm pretty sure CFB Report has jumped ship, broken bail, gone AWOL and generally Federlined against Brittney...............we're kinda' LSU now, officially...and not General Football news. What can we and personnel transmogrified into a non-biased entity. While we still try to report all football news, our passions stick with LSU. Just figured we'd let you guys know since y'all still have us listed as a "general football resource." We still appreciate that you have us on the blogroll. Good luck in Saturday's game.

Mergz said...

We don't need luck in Saturday's game.

We need divine intervention.