Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Saint Bernard of Gainesville

Cast out ye Kegs and Quarters

The original Saint Bernard of Clairvaux (1090-1153) was the primary builder of the reforming Cistercian monastic order. Much of his life was spent preaching the Second Crusade, at the behest of the Pope.

Saint Bernard of Gainesville has his own crusade.

Apparently efforts to stamp out all use of alcohol by President Bernie Machen haven’t been enough to date, despite his efforts in the past which have included

- Suspending the popular Lex & Terry syndicated radio show on WRUF, the campus radio station, because of its "Drunk Bitch Friday" segment;

- Banning liquor advertising at campus venues;

- Banning liquor advertising on university television productions;

-Speaking out strongly against a proposal to allow bars to stay open to 3 a.m..

Machen also said he “Would like to see local bars drop their alcohol specials and wants events such as Gator Stompin' ended.”

Also, since Machen has taken the helm as the President of the university there have also been a number of restrictions placed on tailgating.

Alas, these efforts were apparently in vain. The consumption of alcohol at Florida did not cease. And now, most shamefully, this - Florida was recently anointed the “Number One Party School” per the Princeton review.

This apparently has taken St. Bernie’s crusade to a higher, and infinitely more absurd, level.

Florida is now proposing a ban on “drinking games” and “kegs” in the new student conduct code.

Sure the proposed regulations would only apply to “on-campus” activities, unless the off campus activities led to “injuries or property destruction”. (In my day, every party worth attending led to at least one of those, if not both).

Just picture the scene, with grim inquisitors of honor court wringing confessions from heretical students –

“Admit it, and cleanse your soul. You played a game of quarters last Friday, didn’t you!”

The proposals are ridiculous on so many levels, the least of which is enforcement. What exactly constitutes a “drinking game”? And what level of proof is required to show that one was engaging in one?

As for the keg restriction, certainly no one would ever find a way around that, eh?

One can imagine a situation in which college students are relegated to consuming cheap shots and cheaper beer in the can, which is apparently within the “letter of the law” here. And as long as no one plays “beer pong”, but merely drinks beer while playing ping-pong, as is well.

Ultimately the Second Crusade preached by St. Bernard of Clairvaux was a failure. I won’t be the least bit surprised when the modern St. Bernard’s quest ends similarly.


Gator KGB said...

Does a Heineken keg can count as a keg?

Mergz said...

The cute, little Heineken keg can? Can college students afford those?

Duhhh said...

No more drinking games? When did they close the Reitz Union bowling alley?